When Change Happens, Change With It

Unknown: 00:00:00

No sleep, let it sweep you off your feet.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:00:13

Hi, you're listening to find your joy. If you're looking for ways to thrive rather than survive in a world that can seem rather chaotic, you're in the right place, we will be sharing stories of our own, as well as those from guests who have found ways to bring hope, healing and freedom into places where trauma has impacted them. I'm Ali, author of the art of healing trauma. And I'm here to remind you that life is sweet. Now, let's dive in and find ways to create our joy. Hi, this is Ali, and this is find your joy. And today, I am going to be by myself. And I'm going to share a little bit about my story, and about some of the things that are happening and the programs that I'm creating. I've chatted with some really amazing people lately who have brought to my attention, that I haven't shared a lot of my own personal story, and that that might be useful. So here I am. And I'm going to share a little bit about my personal story. So what can I start with? Well, I'll let me tell you, first of all, that part of my story is that I am a person who is recovering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from a series of abuses that happened. And I've had a lot of counseling and a lot of healing in that area. And I'm very grateful. And the other part is that I am also a person recovering from a traumatic brain injury that was I was hit by a distracted driver eight years ago. And so that's been a long process. That's a very short little story to tell you just a little bit about where I come from. And why I'm going to say the next things I'm going to say. So my background is in counseling in ministry, as a disability case manager, and as a musician, and a writer, and those are some of the things that I used to do in my before life. And once the accident happened, while there was some rebuilding to happen, things like anybody who's ever had a migraine or ever had vertigo, you can maybe relate a little bit to some of the things that occur when you have a brain injury, for instance, with my brain injury, with vertigo and the headaches, and I would have this buzzing feeling that would happen in my brain. And that lasted for almost two years, pretty steadily. And I'm going to show you how it felt to go like this. Like that. And you feel how that from a vibration happens on your tongue. Well, that's what used to happen in my brain. And that was hard. That was almost honestly it was about the hardest thing. Excuse me, for me. Now me falling down, not remember anything slurring when I talk staggering when I walk. That was really hard for my family and my friends. But I wasn't all that aware of that as they were they were witnessing it. And in my own little world. I unless I started to notice as I started to heal, and I noticed I was missing things. I noticed I couldn't remember things. I noticed that I was forgetting a word or something, then that was scary for me. But the other parts weren't as scary because I was a little bit unaware i It was really a gift. There's a part of what happens with when we have a traumatic brain injury. That's a bit of a gift for us in that some of that were not our I wasn't anyways, I can't see everyone else's experience. I wasn't always aware of the deficits. It was really scary for my husband, of course. So the buzzing thing was really hard. And the part that was very challenging, challenging for me, was that music was always my safe place. Music was where I would be able to go and just hide away whether I was singing. I was playing. I was listening. Music was a place for me that was really really safe. I cocooned in there. I it was healing. It was an amazing place. For many of us. I'm I'm sure that most people that I've heard of they tell me that. Oh, yeah, I relate to that completely. So what happened with me with the buzzing and the vertigo was that I couldn't. I could not only not play or sing, but I couldn't listen to music. Or it made that buzzing and the vertigo. Really bad. And that lasted for several years actually. And, and so I started to explore other ways, other ways to be able to release all that was happening inside of me because I was feeling really lost. Once I became really aware of it, even when I would, this was an interesting thing. And this is somehow how our mind and our emotions, all of this comes to it comes together is that when I would think about a song without playing it, without listening to it, when I would think of a song, I would start to feel dizzy and offset, and it could start the buzzing. And so I'm, I'm guessing, and I've been told by some of the doctors and specialists and brain injury people that I've worked with, over the years, that part of that is an emotional response. So when I start to feel something, it gets a little bit overwhelmed, it would get overwhelming. And that's what would start to happen with me. So there was a few things that I did early on had been been worked in ministry, and as a disability case, manager, I had worked with people with brain injuries. And somewhere in all the haze of it, I knew I needed to do something, I didn't know what I just knew that somehow I had to find a way to create, or to do something other than just sitting on the couch, with a really bad headache, and a brain that was buzzing and the room spinning around, well, not really the room, my vertigo was happening inside of me that that I was spinning inside, I had to do something other than that, because I was just crying all the time. And so one day, I just thought, I think I'll paint. And that's where the painting part of it started. For me. I really never painted before, I didn't know what I was doing or how to go about it. And I just went and bought a lot of paint and some canvases and brushes and an easel and things to start on my way. And at first I just painted like I just any color, whatever I want to do, I just did it like that. And then I started to paint things like, if you look over the or my, my right shoulder, the left from where you're looking at, I suppose I started that painting, which is a keyboard, I started it just with fire in the background because I was so sad. And so angry. I didn't and I just started painting color. And then I painted over that a keyboard floating through it. Because I wanted to be able to play the piano. Not that I play well. But I played. And I just wanted to be able it just was some a way for me to express my longing and the pain and somehow get out of me all that was bunched up inside of me. And so these things just start a little by little I started painting a little bit. Every once in a while a friend of my dear friend, Auntie Kate brought over her ukulele about a year into my recovery. And we had done lots of singing and playing music and things together. And she is Hawaiian. And so she said, Hey, try the ukulele, it's a really gentle instrument. And maybe that will be something that you'd be able to connect to. And maybe it would be gentle enough for you. So I started to play the ukulele. And it was gentle. And I could play it and at first for a minute or two, and then for five, and then for 10. And then pretty soon 15 minutes and I could play and I'd start to sing before I would get really dizzy. And that was part of my little my little travel back my little journey back to music. Although I'm not there fully yet. I am taking baby steps and a little bit by little bit. It's I'm getting music back. I don't, I don't know if I'll ever be able to play the full band again. It the sound makes it really difficult. I can go to a concert with earplugs, plus the headphones, and sunglasses and I can be in that space for a while that I'm probably going to be in bed for the next day or so. So I'm not really sure if I'll ever be able to play with a band again or even go to a gym or anything like that. But I do what I can. And that's part of what I wanted to talk about today, I think is when change comes in, especially when it is not our choice and that's from typically a loss and whether that's from an injury, or we could lose someone that we love, or we lose a job or we lose our home. But something happens and it just shifts and changes and it rocks our world right to our core where we think that there is absolutely Nothing, there is no hope we lose the thing that matters to us. I didn't think that if I lost music,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:10:07

I didn't think I was going to be able to go on. Honestly, I it was just the very core of who I was. And it's still there. But I'm learning to not be able to do music like I used to. And I'm finding other things that are really beautiful. And I probably would have never even explored, I would have got, I don't really know if I would have ever painted, or written books, or done all of these things. I don't know if I would have done those things if I'd always had music. So that's part of it. So another part of my journey that I'm going to invite you on is that I started to I was invited a friend told me that she was going to be in collaborative book, she was going to write a chapter in a book. And so that was the first thing I'm going to share that with you so women of worth is led by Christine RM. She's an amazing woman she does incredible things. She gets the she gets these books out and has women writing a chapter and on there's different topics if you think of kind of how Chicken Soup for the Soul, Oh, I love those books. But Chicken Soup for the Soul how those goes like there's a different serene word still escaped me sometimes a different topic or subject. And then there's different authors will write on that. So that's how it started in the writing books for me. So the first one was aging at any age aging well with or aging. Oh gosh, aging at any age with moxie. So that was the first book that I was a co author in. And then after that thriving and turbulent times, again, through Wow, women of worth and that is Christine are from aw ra M, look her up, she's awesome. If you're interested in any of the things that you think you might want to write a book, or she's a good person to go down that path with now, in the midst of all that, then then there was a lot going on. My dad was in hospice, that my dad passed, then the book was coming out, then COVID hit, there was just so much going on. And and everyone right i mean COVID changed it for everyone in whatever way that you experienced COVID or, or how that went for you whether that was financially difficult. relationally difficult, professionally difficult, emotionally difficult, physically difficult. You lost people, you were ill yourself. However, that worked. It was a global thing that impacted who didn't get impacted. I don't know, maybe there is a beautiful, traditional tribe somewhere in a deep dark place that we haven't gotten there and screwed them up yet. Maybe they didn't experience it. And they continued on their life. But most of us experienced some kind of trauma during COVID, something that impacted us. A lot of people were scared. A lot of people were angry. It was really a difficult time. So during that, I started to look into writing my own book I'd worked with Julianne from influence publishing with when she was doing some of the stuff through the winter women of workbooks. And I was doing. I was doing some of my own writing. And I started to write my own book. And when it first started, I thought I was going to be writing on forgiveness. In fact, I was going to call it Forgive mess, the messy journey in forgiving. Because those of us who have gotten this done, walk this walk of forgiveness now it can be really messy. Anyways, out of that poured the art of healing trauma, finding joy through creativity, spirituality and forgiveness. And that came out of because while I was writing all these other chapters in other books, and working on my own story, and living in the midst of a pandemic, I really realized that I wanted to share more than the trauma. So my book doesn't specifically go into my traumas. I mentioned it But I do not go into detail, I go into more detail about the impact, about triggers, and most importantly, how to get ourselves out of them. And that's, that's how that came about, like, I don't know what your thing is going to be, if you're going through something are you going to start to paint are you going to start to write, it's just for us to find something that will give us life again, whatever that might be. It could be baking cakes, it could be going for walks, it could be going and helping an elder someplace, some someone who's alone and maybe need some assistance, there's a whole bunch of ways that we can go through that change. I did want to mention, this was the third book that I was a co author in family tree, Rebecca Harrison, she is the person who does the family tree books. And this one was empowering stories of mother and son relationships, and I got to share some stories about my son Ryan and I, and our relationship and our, you know, the challenges and the growth and, and the love and, and all of those things. So those are some of the things that I did. Now, I have found that when we, when I start to just take one step, like when I thought the job that I loved, I was a book, you know, I had a job that I loved very much I was going into the accident was on a on a Saturday, the Tuesday I was going into the studio to work with a new musician that I'd been working with, on some songs that I'd written, it just felt like life was over. It just didn't feel like how it could ever be i i couldn't drive for three years, I couldn't even listen to music. I didn't know what was gonna happen financially, oh, man. Financially, it was really hard because we lost my we lost my income. And so there was just a lot going on. But something inside me just knew that I had to grab onto hope I had to grab onto whatever it would take to keep moving forward, don't stop that was just an ally, don't stop. Because if you stop, you are screwed. Like, it is too easy for me anyways, to go down a dark, dark place where there is just no hope and nothing's ever going to be okay. And it's always going to be this way, I can very much feel like that. If I bang my toe, if I'm having a migraine, and my vision has gone all wonky. It i i am wired to start to panic and think, oh, it's gonna be like this, it's always gonna be this way. And so I really, really needed to find a way to not to not do that to not let that in. And so some other things I started to do was I started to explore taking some courses around holistic healing, holistic therapies, holistic art, holistic creativity, and I like to spell holistic, W H, O L, E. aesthetic. Because holistic I find is another word like natural, or whatever, that holistic. This is all natural. They're kind of key buzzwords that come out and get really popular and people throw those around. And they just, it almost loses its meaning. And for me, holistic is really understanding the whole person, my mind, my body, my emotions, my spirit, all of that I needed to address in order to move forward and start to live the life that I really wanted to live. So I, they were very kind I took a program Hi Cat, holistic, integrated creative art therapy to actually become a practitioner. I only took this course originally, because I wanted to find a way to get better. I needed to find a way to heal myself to start to live a life that would

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:19:21

have more than just distress in it. And I started to read so much about gratitude, and how gratitude could actually change and shift the chemistry in my body. And some of the science that I started to see behind gratitude was that gratitude is not just something where you should be grateful and you know, shame on you if you're not. Gratitude is a practice of mindfulness and mental health that invites us to focus our intention and our thoughts and our energy towards being healthier and positive ways of being and gratitude impact Positive thoughts actually create a healthier mind and body. And we continue to learn more about that all the time. I part of my course was there was a study by skysea. It's spelled se, a CCIE in 2017, on positive thinking, and gratitude and the impact on the neuroplasticity of our brains, and every thought produces some kind of a chemical. So when we think positive thoughts, our cortisol levels actually drop. And cortisol is, is some of the stuff that can create disease in us, it can create anxiety, there's all kinds of things that cortisol can create. And so we want to keep those levels low. And the other thing that happens with gratitude, is that our brains actually will produce more serotonin. And that results in a sense of well being. When serotonin levels are normal. People, we feel happier, we feel healthier, calmer, less anxious, more focused, emotionally stable. And Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that aids in the regulating, of the brain's reward and pleasure system. And that actually increases. So when we're thinking negative, angry or fearful thoughts, our cortisol levels go up, our dopamine levels are reduced. And it actually results in an over activation in the stress response. And that's where Anxiety disorders are associated, and many physical problems and health problems, like even heartburn and skin rashes and irritable bowel syndrome and, and headaches, as well as depression and anxiety and all of these things. And we know that with all that chemistry running around in our bodies, that that's a way for even more disease to enter. And so we just continue to find ways to rewire our brains, thinking of healthy thoughts hate thinking of, of happier thoughts, or not just happy thoughts, but actually just being grateful. So I started doing this thing called mahalo Monday. Mahalo being Hawaiian for Thank you. And I started doing I do it live every, every Monday morning at eight o'clock, Pacific Standard Time, and where we just go over things to be grateful for, like waking up in the morning, when we wake up. Before I do anything, I think on one thing that I'm grateful for, I try to think of three. But even if we just think of one, I would invite you to think of just one thing that you're grateful for. And that can be your home, your family, your job, your dog, chocolate, just something that we're grateful for, before we grab our phone, or our iPad, or do anything else on the way to the bathroom, thinking about one thing even that we're grateful for, and then a glint again, as we're going to sleep. Just as we're falling to sleep, thinking on just one to three things that we're grateful for, and help, that helps us to just calm ourselves. And it starts to you know, lower the cortisol levels, increase the serotonin, the dopamine levels, and it can be such an enormous shift or us. And so that's part of what I started doing. Now, here's the deal will take you the course, I don't really remember very much. So if I want to find anything, I have to go back to my notes every time because that's just part of my new brain. How am I new brain processes and functions? I don't hold on to information really well. In fact, I brought I don't know if anybody could tell I brought up notes to read the statistics and the research behind things around our brains. Because I can't remember that. But I've looked at it so many times now over the last about three years. I know it's there. I can't give you the specifics without looking at yet. Maybe I'm willing to keep working and working. That's the thing is we just don't give up. We just keep moving forward. And there's a way there's always a way forward if we just keep doing that. So part of what happened through so I was a co author in the three books, and then an author of my own book and I was so excited and went to best seller in seven categories. I sold myself on the same thing as Dave Grohl was on and and and gamble that like I you know Brene Brown, like did just together Matt to you like people that I'm just oh my gosh. Like, I mean, I'm not saying I was so close to them, but I mean I was I was there I was so so excited. I was like, I did this thing. I started it. It was hard. I had days when I had to lay in bed for a few days because I had such a bad headache, just even trying to do it. But I just, I just kept going. And that's the thing about change and when hardships come, it's really important to give ourselves time to grieve. And to process the loss. Absolutely. And it's really important to get up and keep going forward, doesn't mean we're not going to have hard days, doesn't mean we're not going to cry ourselves and scream into our pillow sometimes. But we just keep moving forward. And that's the way and then from that, so I did the three books. And then I did my own book. And I was painting. And I was, you know, just kept trying to do these things. I took the course. And then I created find your joy, the podcast. And I started to meet the most amazing people, people who had been through such incredible hardships, and they just kept moving. And they inspire me, they use these people inspire me every day. And they come from all walks of life. Some are Buddhist, and some are Christian and some are atheist, and, and some are very new age. And that that part to me, is much less important. Then the resilience of a human being. Just not give up to have hope, to have faith, to believe that there's got to be something somehow, some way to get through all of this. And so that's what this is posed to be about. I'm fumbling my way through anyone who's still here listening. God bless you, thank you so much. Because I'm I'm I'm learning it's it's a process for sure. It's a process, learning what might be in interest, learning what to open up about learning who to have on his guests, how to interview when to speak, when not to speak, man, it's a trip. And I'm really enjoying it. And I'm so grateful for all the encouragement that people have been giving me and I, I've been people from around the world. I'm just like, I like I honestly have to say if people are commenting, I'm not answering you. I'm so sorry. I have no idea how to find those things. Like I kind of suck at social media stuff. Other than Facebook. I'm pretty good at Facebook. But I have somehow created to alleyway art pages. So if I don't answer you alleyway, art page, actually the word page is the only one I kind of have access to. It's the same with on my Instagram and LinkedIn and Tik Tok. I've somehow made duplicate accounts. And so I don't always answer people. And I don't even know where to find any comment that anybody's ever given me. Almost, I found one on YouTube once. If somebody comments, I am working with people to help me through this so that I can respond to people if they give me a message, please forgive me and know that I would never ever ignore anyone. Even if you said something I didn't like, I would not ignore that I would respond. And so I'm working with people, but the reality is, is with my new brain, I don't remember things. So these beautiful people share all this information, then it's gone. You know if you ever saw the show 51st dates, or that with Drew Barrymore, and Adam Sandler, oh my gosh, I love that show. So,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:28:59

like, my memory short term memory is is better than hers was in the show, but it's still rather compromised. So I do get a bit lost. It's like this, I can't write a note. I can't write notes to come and talk with you. I just have to go and hope that it comes out. Okay. And, you know, so some of the things that I'm doing is and then from that is that I took that course and I learned a lot of things that really did change my life. And then one of the things that I loved so much, this is what I did not want to forget to tell you. Oh my goodness, okay, so then they offered an advanced course on vibrational therapy and sound healing. I might have those words may mixed up but it sound healing and, and vibrational therapies and sound baths is a lot of what it's about. Now, here's the thing that I realized when I took this course, I realized how much of this I'd been doing for decades. Like I used to go in to care homes and hospitals and different places and do music. I was doing that in the early like back in the 80s, and 90s, like I 1990s in 1980s. For those of you who are younger that we're going, what does that mean? I'm just joking, if you probably everybody knows what that means. But anyways, I was doing these things. And, and then when my brother and sister in law and I had a karaoke company, a long time ago, I did it with a karaoke too, and went into places and group homes and all of these things. And I just thought of it is playing music or doing or bringing the karaoke stuff, I never realized how much I was doing music therapy, because I didn't really have a title for it. I was just doing things. And in the same with my storytelling, what I used to be asked to come and just tell stories or read to people never occurred to me, I was storytelling, I just went and did these things. And so the sound therapies, here's what's really interesting. Now, for many years, when I was in church and was a worship leader, we would just do what we would call soaking. And that would just be music for hours, maybe my voice would be involved, maybe not. But it would just be hours of people soaking. And wherever they went to meditatively. Whether that was a spiritual, emotional, physical, however, that worked for them. It brought great healing. And it was a beautiful thing. And it wasn't until I took the first high cat course, that I realized, Oh, I've been doing sound therapy for a long time, I just didn't really understand what I was doing. I just did it i is i just did it. And when I would see colors and people and I would sing or play music until I would see that color flow naturally through their body, I didn't realize I was a person who see I've forgotten the name of the world what it is, since I see colors and music, sometimes, and I see colors on people and I just never knew what it was I just, I just went with it. And so now I took this advanced course. And I've started really, really pouring myself in with a singing bowls. And it's so beautiful. And it's really just part of what I've been doing for, gosh, almost 30 years. And it's so beautiful. Now, the thing about the sound bowls is there's this, there's certain hertz levels, like ATR Zed, hertz levels that really can impact certain parts of the body. Now, when I do a sound bath with someone, I have to have notes about that, because I won't remember. And I do most of what I do, intuitively, I don't. Everything that I do, whether it's for healing, for sound for whatever it is, I It's kind of I don't know, it's maybe it's a gift that I don't remember anymore, because I can't just think I'm going to now do the heart chakra because I don't know, I'm just like, I think this is a sound I want to come out right now. And that's how I do and I follow that trail. So that's another really exciting thing that all of this came out of this thing that was really tragic, for felt tragic. I think it was really. But I didn't give up. And I kept moving forward. And sometimes the money part is hard to be able to get towards these things. But I find that, you know, you can go on YouTube, and you can get a sound bath, and that's free. And you can go to $1 store and buy paint and get little canvases, you can get quite a bit for about 20 bucks. Like there's some things that don't have to cost a whole bunch of money. Like we've gathered instruments and equipment over years and years and years. And a lot of that came when there was you know, two incomes and we were doing all you know doing all that stuff. And even the sound was like just getting these things slowly. It's a beautiful, wonderful way. It doesn't have to be super expensive. So if that is something that stumbles you, please don't let it you can do sound therapy. Just go on YouTube, and listen to some of it. It's free. Come come to my mahalo Monday. That's free. This is really a hollow Monday we do about a half an hour I've been incorporating this so singing bowls. Do body work, breath work, some meditative stuff, some guided meditations. Just all things to really to help to smooth the, our parasympathetic, like, just calm our bodies and our minds down. Because I am a person who has struggled a lot of my life with a very busy mind. And I'm always looking for ways to settle that. So now, here's another exciting thing that's happening. Through all of this, I am now partnering with Dr. Carmen Carpenter, of Goji wellness clinic in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada. And we are going to be offering sound baths with acupuncture. And that's a marvelous thing. And that will be coming very soon, probably in the fall, but we may be able to sneak a few in during the summer. And so I'm really excited by that. But I want to encourage you, if right now you're facing something that seems impossible, maybe you're broke, maybe you're just came up to this change. And it's really, really hard. And you're thinking, yeah, you can do that. That's easy for you. Because whatever, that's what I would have thought anyways. Or I often thought that when I would hear people, yeah, you can do that I don't have money, you can do that. I don't have training, you can do that. That's where I'm in when I get in my places where I feel very discouraged. That's where I can go. But I just want to tell you that my accident was over eight years ago. And this has been a really slow process. This isn't something that happened overnight. But I just took a step at a time. That's all just a step at a time. And there are so much on YouTube and wherever else that's free, that you can find stuff, I promise you, you can find stuff, you can find things to help you out with whatever it is that you're processing. And if you don't like that one, it's awesome. You can just change and find another one. And that will be great for you. So whether you're living with a brain injury, like my beautiful brother, John, just about at the end of his days with cancer. Like my beautiful friend Lisa, whose son died, so suddenly, oh, my God, my God, son, Daniel. Like I think of all the tragedies of the people that I that I know. And they find a way. Just hold on just to a bit of hope and take a step even when it feels like you can't take one. Pretty soon. Here's another thing that's coming up, I've got I'm developing a couple of online courses, one will be for change. And one is for healing yourself really emotionally and letting go of the things that have held us back. Because you know what, that is something I'm an expert on. They ask all the time. What are you an expert on? When they asked me to go speak places and I'm like expert, am I an expert on anything? Turns out, you know, the thing you've been doing, like your whole life, practically, the thing that you just get up and do over and over and over again. You're an expert in that. Maybe that's being a single mum, maybe that's being a person who knits maybe that's being a musician, maybe that's been a really good cookie maker. There are things that you are an expert in and do not doubt that for a minute. So that's a little bit of what's been happening with me that's a little bit of my story about what brought me here. Why find your joy is created and as I'm saying all this, I'm like going to myself, Oh my gosh, because of my memory. Have I already said all this stuff.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:38:53

Oh my gosh, I hope they fix that in editing if I did because I don't even know. That's okay, love me anyways, alright. So, yeah, that's, that's what I'm gonna say is is today, just never give up. Just keep going. There's always hope. Change can be a challenge. And change can also be a gift. And I just hope you know what a gift you are. This is Ali. This is find your joy. And thanks so much for listening, peace, know that you are loved. Thanks so much for joining me today. If you found a piece of your joy in this episode, I would love to hear about what came up for you so that we can continue to grow the impact of this show. Thanks again. See you soon and remember find your joy