Own Your Awkward with Andy Vargo (Part 1)

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:00:00

Hi, you're listening to Find Your Joy. If you're looking for ways to thrive rather than survive in a world that can seem rather chaotic, you're in the right place. We will be sharing stories of our own, as well as those from guests who have found ways to bring hope, healing and freedom into places where trauma has impacted them. I'm Ali, author of the art of healing trauma, and I'm here to remind you that life is sweet. Now, let's dive in and find ways to create our joy.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:00:46

Hi, I'm Ali and this is Find Your Joy and today I am so excited. Today our guest is Andy Vargo. Andy from own you're awkward. He does books he does talks. He does podcasts. He does YouTube channels. He does you name it. This guy is one busy fellow. Andy. Good morning. How are you?

Andy Vargo: 00:01:09

I am excellent. Ali. How are you? Ah,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:01:12

I'm excited. I'm so excited that you are going to take the time to come and be on my show and share all the glory that is you today. I've been excited about this for like over a week. I was just like, oh my gosh, he's gonna be here. I'm so excited. He's gonna make me sound smart. I know we will.

Andy Vargo: 00:01:31

I have very much been looking forward to today. And after our last conversation and after, after that introduction. I'm just like, why are you not just with me all the time.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:01:41

We should just wander around together and people will be just like, oh my gosh, everything is better in twos. I guess that's, that's why No, it did it that way. But it doesn't make sense now. Oh, my gosh. First of all, I just wanted to mention now you guys have had a lot of fire and things going on? How are things going for you in Washington?

Andy Vargo: 00:02:05

Yeah, you know where I'm at. I'm in Tacoma. So we're removed from the intense part of the fires. I have some friends that are pretty close to it. But so far they've been hanging in there. Okay, at least the people that I that I know, I know. It's not been the case for everybody. And we definitely had a lot of days of gray and ash in the sky. But yeah, it came a lot later this year. And I think that may have helped it be a shorter term, which is what I really hope is the case.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:02:33

Yes, I think we're noticing that here too. I'm in Victoria, we're getting smokin ash from Washington. And then there's some in in hope and things like that, too. But anyways, it's it's it's been a hard time, but I just thought of that. And I wanted to check and see how you're doing. I appreciate it. So we're gonna start out I you know, I'm gonna say this, I was very excited when I did was on your show. It was amazing to me, not only how organic it was, but how you asked some really great questions that didn't just lead a conversation, but it led thought it it was inspiring to me. So I'm going to cop you just a wee bit if that's okay, and probably forever and ever. Amen. I'm glad

Andy Vargo: 00:03:20

you're free. That is the sincerest form of flattery. And I'm sure in all the things I've listened to I'm sure some of my stuff is copied. I just don't know who to give the credit.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:03:33

Well, it's not a total copy. What it is, is it inspired me and that's what we're going to talk about a little bit it inspired me. Because I thought about you know, right now all over the place, what I find is there's endless things to distract me. There are so many things that are just wanting our attention all of the time. So in a world full of distractions, what inspires you?

Andy Vargo: 00:03:59

Oh, that that is a very thought provoking question. And I feel like sometimes, I guess if I had to bring it down to one word, it would just be the hope I see in the community in the people around. Because different days that comes to me in different forms. Sometimes it's social interactions with people where I'm like these, this is just good people that I don't even know they're strangers and we're having a conversation out at a coffee shop or over a beverage what it however it is. Or other times it's you're driving down the road and you look over and you see somebody helping somebody out or you see somebody, you know people posting stuff online about their kids having their first grade achievements, whether it's kindergarten or college, like just seeing all of that hope that's happening in the community and sharing that. To me that is an amazing thing. And that's what I want to be involved. I'm very extroverted. So anything that has to do with other people,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:04:59

give me that Write Oh, that's awesome. I love that I love that your inspiration is like a world full of MUSES. The world is full of music for us. And if we want to take advantage of that and just be inspired, then we can do that. And that's awesome that you're maybe naturally I'm not sure. Are you naturally wired that way? Or would did that come over time?

Andy Vargo: 00:05:25

I think I was naturally right, wired that way. But I didn't accept it as okay to be wired that way, for a long time. Ah, I had a coaching client who I was working with who was really struggling with finding that thing they were going to pursue, and they were beating themselves up about, you know, oh, I want to go down this road. And then I want to go down that road, and maybe I'm doing art, and maybe I'm doing writing, and maybe I'm doing everything and but they never went all the way down very many of those roads. And I think for myself, I had a little bit of self reflection in that. And I just kind of stopped them at one point and said, Isn't it okay for you to be an explorer? Hmm, it okay, that what you're doing is just pursuing any interest you find. And you don't have to be the master of any of them. That isn't that what you share with the world that, hey, I've dabbled in a little bit of all these things. And I can tell you a little bit about each one that you're interested in, that are just seeing someone's journey. And I realized that, that I'm kind of that way. And it's okay, like I have a podcast, that doesn't mean that I have to have a podcast from now until I die. It could be six days, or six months, or six episodes, or six years or whatever. But that was just part of my adventure.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:06:38

Oh, I love that. Because when you first started talking, I thought, Is he talking about me right now? Like, I think about that sometimes, right that I about when we do things like that do a little bit of everything. And some people like you say like some people, they just focus on one thing. And that's awesome. They become really, truly masters of that. And I don't I like what you're seeing the exploring part, because I think that that's maybe a lot of us fall into that category. And it's time we stop thinking that that's a wrong thing.

Andy Vargo: 00:07:19

Yeah. And because, you know, I remember being like, end of high school, where it's what's your What are you going to do with your life you're supposed to decide right now. And yes, looking back, I'm like, I know, 80 year olds who still don't know what they want to do with their life. So to put that expectation on someone who's lived such a sliver of life. And that's not to degrade the value they have yet but to have not had that much experience in the world yet and to be expected to know what you're going to commit to and go to school for and train for it. I just remember thinking how am I supposed to know that right now, I have no idea that I want to do and that that lack of knowledge or direction really had me spinning for a long time because I always felt like I was incomplete. I didn't have direction. I didn't have focus, because I just really wanted to do whatever. And that that should be okay. If you do whatever the right way.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:08:13

Yeah. And that we don't want to feel like or have someone else feel like a failure? If even even not if they don't have the direction. Like if they I was thinking about this when you're sitting out I'm thinking yeah, because well, first of all, I think of my granddaughter who's just graduated high school, she's 18 years old. She's amazing. She does many things incredibly well. She's a, just a phenomenal athlete, and she does things. And she kind of was figuring things out. She's got some stuff figured out right now. And she's actually going to be starting college in I don't know, six months or something like that. And I thought well, I don't really think I knew those things then I remember being that age. And thinking I knew what I wanted to do a pregnancy kind of switched drags for a little while. But I I get that we sort of get in this mindset like we need to know right away what we're going to do and it's beautiful. Life's a buffet, right? It's I love the I love the Explorer way to look at that. That's amazing. What things have you been exploring?

Andy Vargo: 00:09:24

Well, you know, I've, when I look back, you know, when I was a kid, I remember hearing my dad was a teacher when I was growing up. So I grew up. That was his role. And I remember there was a point where I heard all the jobs he had done before he settled and being a teacher and a he had been he had done night security at a morgue. He had worked in a retail store. He had been a washing machine repair man, like all these different things. He had been in the army for a little bit. He had a pilot's license, and I started hearing all these different things. And I thought that's Dad No dad's just a teacher like what is this and and I never or thought of myself like that. And now I look back, and I've worked in the brewery industry, I've worked in the coffee industry, I've worked in sales with restaurants and packaging. I've had my own business going and, and with my, you know, where I've settled now, and what I explore is really all about helping other people find their passion, and of being able to have a conversation with someone where they see something that they're interested in, and being able to just say, Well, why can't we take that a little further? Or couldn't that be this, and when we're really close to something, or we have all of our security that's tied to other things, it's really scary. And it kind of locks our brain sometimes out of seeing what those opportunities could be if we pull back the layers a little bit. And I just love that because, you know, for me, I never thought I podcast I never thought I do stand up comedy. I always wanted to be a writer, but I didn't know that I didn't feel like had a good story to tell because I didn't have that thing. Right? All the things last few years, I really jumped into head feet, or feet foot, I can't even talk.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:11:06

You did it. You did it. First feet first, all the way.

Andy Vargo: 00:11:12

But, but it has been. It's been great. And I just do a little bit of stuff. And as I meet other people coming back to that sense of community, if someone says, Hey, there's this event we're going to and it's sometimes it's art form I've never heard of culture I've not really been exposed to. And you know, to go step into that and say, you know, I'm gonna go to that dinner and eat with people that I don't know anything about their, their family or their culture, or I'm gonna go try a form of art I've never tried, even if I do it the one time. It's something you're adding to my experiences. Oh, I

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:11:50

love that. And it's interesting to me, even when you were talking about your dad, I'm thinking, what an amazing teacher, he must have been because he brought that whole library of his life with him to whatever it was he taught. I don't know what He taught. But what did he teach?

Andy Vargo: 00:12:09

It was elementary school.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:12:10

Oh my gosh, okay. So he was all those people. It was like, it was like having career day with all those people standing up front. And but he was the guy,

Andy Vargo: 00:12:22

you could pull in anything easily. So I hadn't thought about it from that perspective.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:12:28

What's what's interesting to me is I'm thinking of all the things that you did, I love that you did coffee, and brewery that you come from both. So you could, you could loosen them up and silver off to you kind of those perspectives, and then doing retail and then and now doing well you do comedy, the I mean, the just the all the things that you bring to your show. No wonder your show is so interesting. I love your show. I love listening to it. I love the guests that you have, I love how you engage them. Now when I have to go to as one of your comedy shows, because you'll bring all those people it'll be crowded up there on that stage, with all with all of you.

Andy Vargo: 00:13:10

Yeah, and that's one of the things I'm working on expanding. You know, with whatever we do, I think sometimes we get a little bit in a trough about I'm gonna, I'm gonna go this direction. So I'm really trying to expand my comedy and pull in other parts of my life and not just joke about dating and going through, you know, relationship changes and really like, Okay, well I could joke about what it's like being a motivational speaker, I could joke about, you know, respectfully, what it's like being a life coach without giving away anybody's information. But I could joke about, you know, whatever things from my past or being one of seven kids, there's so many things that could turn into a whole conversation. I think that's one of the things that we forget when we're sharing our story is that any interaction we have during the day can be a lesson in a story for someone, it could be watching the person in front of your how you interact with the checker at the grocery store, or it could be you know, what, one day, I bought my first couch, and this is how that interaction went. And that whole thing can be a story whether that goes into a book, a stand up comedy set, or an inspiration that you give on stage. There's lessons and humor in everything we're doing and it could have been a three minute interaction, but it can be a lifetime of inspiration to somebody.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:14:31

I love that I love that you're saying that it's it's a really good point and it's and I I wonder if part of it is okay, so your skill, your skill set, as in sales in comedy and writing in motivational speaking and being a coach oh my gosh, is a podcaster as an interviewer, I get it that you would see everything like that. Well Little thing happens in bank sorry about the mic. It explodes in your explodes in your mind, I'm guessing, because I know I know how my mind works and and it's evolved. I didn't always I saw some things. So I guess I'm going to ask you about that. Do you see how a story explodes in your mind? Has that been evolving for you over these years?

Andy Vargo: 00:15:28

You know, I don't think I used to appreciate it. I used to, I used to see it as a distraction. And I used to think, Oh, why is my head pulling me out of where I'm supposed to be now, head going down this road, I hear this story. It's kind of like, you know, when you're watching a movie or a TV show, and they, they pop out of the character's head for a second all sudden, they show what they're imagining, well, the real world. I've always related to those scenes, because I felt like that is my head where I could be, you know, in class doing something, and all sudden, you know, over here, there's characters dancing around, and something's unfolding. And it and it all stemmed from something that I was paying attention to, like a word was said a phrase. And also, mind goes down this road. And it feels like it's an hour later, but it might have been a split second, that you've developed this whole thought. And I think that's one thing that happens with me. Now I've learned to capture that. And I will make a note, when I have these moments, where someone might say a phrase, or I might see something, or I might think of a memory. And then I realize where I could make that into either a lesson or a humor. So then I go write that down.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:16:39

That's awesome. This the remembering to write it down. Is is a big or grab your phone was speaking into the mic, like the voicemail or whatever the mic is on your phone, whatever that's called, um, yeah, Tech Challenge. But anyways, whatever that thing is, it works for me, or write it on your notes on your whatever it is. That's a really good point. Because you know, even people who are listening, sometimes they're saying to me, Well, how did you? How did you write these books? How did you do the songs? How did you do these things? I'm like, Well, my, you know, those of us, there's some of us whose minds are going constantly. I'm in that category of person. And so it's hard to remember everything. Yeah, cuz I have, you know, several thoughts a minute, sometimes it feels like so I love that you're saying that, that you remembering to write them down.

Andy Vargo: 00:17:34

And that is, and I, I still am not as good because there are times where it's like, Oh, what was that thing I had? And I couldn't and but I do. And I've gotten good at just saying, Excuse me while I capture a thought like, Oh, I'm because I used to think I'll remember it at the end of this interaction. And now, you're there's times where that's not appropriate. But if I'm with friends, or even, even in a networking situation, I will say I just need to pull my phone out to capture this thought I'm not texting someone. Right? This is what I'm putting down. And my my friends that I'm with the most are used to that they know that it's whether it's a joke, or an idea. But it's yeah, like I love how you mentioned that you with your mind going all the time. And people are like, how did you think of that? And it's I don't know, because, to me, that's one of the worst questions like, How did you come up with it's like, it just popped in there. And, and maybe I can identify a little bit of the development of it, where I said, Well, you know, this, something triggered this thought. And then I sat down and really looked for other things. Because if I'm giving a motivational talk about something, there may be that initial trigger. And that might be two great sentences or a concept. Right? Then I have to build the rest of the story because they're not paying me for to no matter how great those two sentences are. Theoretically, that is what they're paying me to do is give them that two sentences that they're going to remember. But I need to build a story around it. Sometimes I have to do research around things because an idea might have popped in my head that then I don't have any con i don't understand the rest of the concepts. So then I've got to go look up some stuff so that when I tell this story, I'm more than I did before, and that's part of that exploring thing where it's like, oh, well, now I'm learning about, you know, how farming works or whatever the thing is, you know,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:19:30

yes to something to bring it back to the thing that inspired you, right? Oh, I love that. It's sort of, I don't know if you've ever if you've ever seen this or if, if this is before your time. Randy Backman was in the guest who and in backhand turned over to BTO I've been around for a while. So I mean, even a lot of people if you'd like classic rock, these are these are people who've been around for a long time, but Randy Backman has As a whole show that he doesn't a CD or whatever, or a DVD or whatever that he sells. And I've been to the show, and I bought the DVD and the CD and everything. It's called every song tells a story. So what's making me think that about this is he talks about, and here's a guy who's written, you know, I don't know how many hits that have been, you know, worldwide, you, if you don't know his name off the top of your head, I promise you, you know, his songs. But it but anyways, he he talks about just that, what you're talking about that exact thing that he'd just be, all of a sudden, you know, he'd hear just a chord progression, or you'd hear a note, or I'd hear a conversation. And all of a sudden, that's where it came from. He didn't be like, That's how everything started was the heard these one or two words? And how he got very good at excusing himself? Like, I'm I need to, you know, it's on a pizza box happening right now. Yes, I'm, you know, I'm a voted. And in his case, you know, he's about to make another million probably, whatever people make when you're up in that in that scale of songwriting. But yeah, I like that. I like that. It's just all of these moments. And lately. I'm just realizing the world is full of Muses, if we'll just take a look.

Andy Vargo: 00:21:26

Yeah, I love that. I hadn't thought of them as much as Mises, but they really are because, you know, they capture our attention and keep us entertained. And,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:21:36

yes, and inspire us, inspire us. And so when you were talking earlier, my first question was about distractions and things like that. I was wondering, because a person, once you get, I'm gonna say this. And once you get to your level, because you're, you know, you're at a certain level of where people are, want your attention. They want your time, they want you they want to be on your show, they want you to be on their show. So how are you finding ways to weed through, because there's lots of really good offers, I find there's really good offers. But they're not all maybe what I should be doing, or my best choice right now for me. Right? So so how are you? How are you weeding through that? How are you finding what's going to be the right choice at the moment?

Andy Vargo: 00:22:27

You know, that's, that's been one I've really been learning about. Because one of the things that I found is when you start to have the smallest amount of success, and even before you have success, this can happen, you have a dream, and you start sharing it with people. And other people like to hijack your dream, oh, and meaning all have good intent, they start pouring their ideas of what you should do, you know, it'd be great. They're trying to help you find, reach and find audience and they see potential in what you're doing. And I found that I had to be very protective of what's in my core of what I'm going to pursue and what I'm going to bring into it. And, and I see that happen in two ways. One is people who want to help me grow. So they, they, they dump all the ideas, and why don't you do this, and you should do that, and a well meaning. And sometimes, there's been things in there that I thought, Oh, that's good, I should consider that. Now one of the things that I do is I keep the last page of my notebook that I have with me every day, which the front of it is my to do list, I work from the front to the back with my to do list for every day, I work from the back to the front, on taking notes and ideas. When they meet in the middle that no book is done. And that way, it's keeps things sorted, then it's just a small, little, little book, oh, I'm writing that one down.

Andy Vargo: 00:23:51

But in the back, one of the things I do is the very last couple pages are saved just for my ideas list. And that list are ideas that I want to pursue or that come up, but that I won't allow myself to pursue until I finished something that's further up on the list. So if I have an idea, or a book, or some new endeavor that I'm going to go after, because I do have tendencies to get scattered, or to go, Oh, I'm gonna go chase this down, or now I'm going to do that. I say, You know what, that's a great idea. It doesn't have to be right now. And I put it on the list so that I capture it, and I didn't lose it. I didn't give up on it. But so every once in a while, I'll have to make a decision of is this a timely enough idea that I should bump it up and not? Maybe it's something that if I could do it within a couple of days, and you know, good examples when I learned how to make gift cards or my website? Oh, you know what, I could offer gift cards and this was ended November that well, Christmas is coming up. Now's the time to sell them. It's going to take me you know a couple hours to set it up in Korea. promo, that's an idea I'll do right now crossed off the list. It's timely. It's important and it's quick. Other ideas like a new idea for writing the next book, like, you know what, I can't start that till I finish one of the other books that I have. I'm gonna captain. But I realized I was a starter and not a finisher. And I, I kind of was putting myself down about that. And I realized it's no, you just need to stop, you need to find a way to manage your ideas. Right. And the other way that people tend to hijack your dream is they see where you're going, and they want to join in. And it's they don't have their own idea, or they haven't had the courage to pursue it or, or for whatever reason, and they want to. Now let's collaborate. Let's do this. And I love helping people. I want to help everybody do that. But I do have to be very conscious about, Okay, where is this? Helping us both? Or where's and if I'm helping you, I'm happy to help you when it is right. But But I have to make sure that I'm not putting all of my energy and time into helping other people with their dreams and then not doing anything with mine.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:26:16

Right? Yeah, that's a really good point. Because those of us who get really passionate about most anything and everything, and really care about people and community, it can be really distracting. I was thinking to and I think you touched on that a little bit. That another maybe it's to a or to B or something like that, for ways that things get when people are trying to be helpful is sometimes people just when we share an idea before we've completely formulated it, take it and run with it on their own. Yeah, that's true. And that's, that's another hard one. Because it's it's, you know, it's one to remember. So I like what you're saying to really honor and hold. Be mindful, I guess I'm not even sure what the word is, it's not so secretive or something, it's, I guess, it's really honoring and respecting what was planted in us until it's actually something right, and it can, then it can come out.

Andy Vargo: 00:27:22

And I picture and it's just popped in my head as you were saying that. But this is what happens when I have these little visions that just go and what I started picturing is this, you have a newborn baby and you hold it close. And your job is to protect that baby and not let anybody else get close to it. Or you may find someone that you trust enough to let them hold your baby. And sometimes that person starts passing the baby around the room without your permission. Oh, yes, I trusted you. This wasn't this isn't your baby to go give to everybody else. This is my baby. I'm you know, and then it makes you really careful about letting anyone else hold that baby. Because Wow,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:28:01

that's that's a great analogy. Yeah.

Andy Vargo: 00:28:08

And it also makes me try to be aware of when I could be doing that others, you know, to not get overly excited about their baby and think, oh, let's share it. So I try to put it back to them. Like, here's some bots I have, you know, take them or leave them or if you're interested, let me know.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:28:26

Yeah, I that's, that's a really good point. I actually, when you were originally talking, I was thinking about myself, sometimes when someone's telling me something, and I get really excited. And my intent of my heart is I want to do anything I can to help them. So I you know, I'm guessing that most people that's there's even someone who took my idea and ran with it doesn't mean it was in a malicious way at all. They just get excited, right? People we, you know, people who are creative, we tend to, you know, it's not like I'm, you know, whatever I'm not, it's not a cure for cancer, that they're stealing from underneath me. It's just, it's just an idea I have, right. It's an idea that I think will be wonderful and, and they kind of run with it, but it can. It can leave things in a way but like you're like what you're saying is, I was thinking the other day and I can't you know, it's so funny. I can't even remember who it was or what the thing was, but someone I really care about, told me about something that they're about to do. And I got really excited and I remember saying, oh my gosh, I'll go with you. I'll carry your luggage, I'll be your support. I'll do anything you need. And I think probably you know, oh gosh, life around Ali is like you know, just all the time. There's just a sudden, you know,

Andy Vargo: 00:29:45

water but at the same time, I'm sure that the museum is what they love about having you around.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:29:52

It might be it might be a bit much at times. I wonder sometimes I think oh, you know I? I hope that it was received Didn't the love that it was intended? Because

Andy Vargo: 00:30:02

even I found even though I put a lot of disclaimers on everything, where it's like, I'm sorry, I'm just so excited about this that I am all in. So I'm not saying this to take over, you know, like a lot has, I'll just put it out there or Yes. Sometimes I've had I've had I had a middle schooler asked me this when I was doing a workshop with them less last year about change as they were getting ready for high school. And I was talking about how you need to be careful how you're using your words and things like that. And, and the most smartest kid in the group. Every single time I was like, What do you guys want to talk about? Did you guys have any questions? Like what kind of Moustache Wax is like every single was a quiet was a remark. And and the kid with all sincerity raised his hand and said, Well, what happens if you're trying to be serious and people think you're being sarcastic? Or they, you're, they don't take you serious? Because, and I just said, I said, That's me all the time. I have always been that kid that's kind of snarky, kinda got this little twist of sarcasm and wit, that I think it's funny to get the jab and but then if I pay someone a compliment, they don't. They don't they don't know if I'm actually just kind of being sly or funny, or fair. And, and I said, you know, one things I've had to do is say, Look, I have a hard time not sounding serious or sound I come across this way, a lot of times, but this is with all sincerity. This is how I feel, or this is the question I have, and just call it out right away, and just let them know, this is the thing that I'm dealing with that that I could be perceived it as, and that's not what I'm going for here. So I'd want to make sure that you're hearing it in the right way. And I think that comes with an acknowledgement to other people of how you could come across. And they hate that. And then they know that you're being very conscious with what you're delivering to them in that moment.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:31:59

Right. The intention, and and what so what grade like what age were these kids?

Andy Vargo: 00:32:04

It was sixth, seventh, and eighth. I think this one was a seventh grader. Yes. So

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:32:08

is that 11 or 12? Or something? That's

Andy Vargo: 00:32:13

11 to 14 are in here. And in our state, you go into high school at 14, typically, so the eighth grade be 1314.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:32:24

Okay, I'm asking because that's, that's a very thoughtful statement or question. That's, yeah. That's, that's really thoughtful to me. Because I think I'm 63 I'm just learning how, you know? Like, I'm like, how did they get so smart? It's, I think that all the time. I see younger people. I think, man, I, I don't remember when I thought to even question that. And here you are. And you seem to have really, really thought that out. And I think the other side of that. Because I'm a person, like what you're describing of yourself. And this young fella, I Bing Bing Bing, I say things kind of quickly. And I myself have been mid sentence. And I'm going for whatever I'm going for. And then I think, Oh, this is very crappy timing. Allison, this is not the time to say that, like,

Andy Vargo: 00:33:29

laughing because I have done like that. And I'm like, what are those words coming out of my voice? What I like, why, why are you saying that right now?

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:33:41

I'm like, I don't know, I just, I just never want to miss the punch line. I never want you know, I kind of live in that zone. Right? Where I'm, I'm, uh, you know, I, and I think about that, and I and I love what you're saying is that in that moment, earlier, when you were referring to it in that moment, owning that, okay, I, I said that thing, and this is that was, you know, not my intention, or I can't remember the word that you use, but but being being self aware enough to in that moment, giving the disclaimer, or, in my case, it's usually an apology. I don't know if it's just because I'm Canadian, or I say that many stupid things.

Andy Vargo: 00:34:30

And I do think there is a fine line because if you do that too much, like you don't want to overly apologize for yourself. That's where if it's changing the way you think that you always feel like you have to say, I shouldn't be like this. I think if we use it the right way. There's that fine line between saying okay, I'm, I'm aware, and I'm pointing this out versus Oh, I always open my mouth and I shouldn't open my mouth. So I'm every time I speak, I'm going to put a disclaimer out there. So so we had to be purposeful about it. but not, not allow it to get to the point where it's changing our view of our self worth, I guess is what I'm saying. Because that can aid.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:35:07

I love that. That's, that's, that's an odd. That's an excellent point. i It's, it is it's owning, it's owning that and what it just bought. And of course my brain goes somewhere else to what it also made me think of as there are times when those of us who I think humans, I think those of us I think I will say humans, that we say things that might be a little bit jolting or difficult to hear at the time. And they're the exact thing that needed to be said, Yeah, that's true. And so there's that too, but it's it's being comfortable enough to go, I need to toss these things out. I don't want them to be grenades. My intent is not to blow people up and hurt them. But sometimes a zinger just needs to be a zinger and stand on its own. Yeah, I look a little buddy.

Andy Vargo: 00:36:08

I look at a lot of things through a marketing lens, or a theatrical. And when you're watching a movie or an advertising, there are times where there's a sudden shift change, a sudden color scheme, sudden music, and like the thunderstorm rolls in. And it does that it jolts you and that's by design, they set up that moment to create that emotion. And sometimes when we're working with people, or they need to be put in their place, or have a fire lit under there, but that there are times in place where that does need to happen. And you know, it's fine. Also, to follow back up a day or two later, say, you know, this was a moment, I just want to make sure that we're still good or you know, my intent or see how that could have been jarring for you. I want to just check in and see, you know, show the caring, give the jolt and then follow up with the care. Yeah, that's

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:36:59

no I love that. I love that. It's it's for a Canadian, we can have to really work hard on don't apologize for that. And I'm like I'm saying that like a joke, but it's serious. Like, sometimes I find myself I omit apologize, apology part of me and I'm thinking, why What are you doing right now. But, you know, if it's just, you know, the joke is right, if somebody comes and smashes into you with their card in the, in the supermarket or something, you know, the Canadians, because the one who got smashed into is going to apologize, oh, sorry, I don't even know I'd love to do a study on where that or the origin of that comes from. But I love the the follow up. So you you say something that needs to be said. And you have enough wherewithal to stop yourself from apologizing or explaining that at the moment, let that sit with that person and trust that they either the relationship is strong enough, or that their their ability to process is mature enough. And then check in just to make sure that it all went okay, I love that that's

Andy Vargo: 00:38:15

that second can even be a few sentences later, where I know that was hard to hear. But this is where we're at, you know, it can even be within that, depending on the situation obviously is different. But you know, like I think about when I'm coaching an employee employee, or sometimes even when I'm coaching clients, it's, you know, call them out a little bit and then it's okay, how are we going to take this moment into the rest of the week and use it so that it's not, it's not here to shoot you down? It's, it's here to make you aware to build you up. And so the rest of the conversation is where the buildup happens, like the awareness, and then the growth.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:38:57

I love that. So not to distract, but to inspire you takes us all back to the first question. So right now, what I'm going to do is we're going to start this again with our next episode. And I'm going to ask some follow up questions, because this is really exciting. So Andy, thank you so much for being with us today. And I'm going to have some ways that you can contact Andy and tune in because we're about to have another show with him and it's going to be fabulous. I'm Ali, and this is find your joy.