Celebrate You!

Unknown: 00:00:00

No sleep. Let it sweep you off your feet.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:00:13

Hi, you're listening to find your joy. If you're looking for ways to thrive rather than survive in a world that can seem rather chaotic, you're in the right place. We will be sharing stories of our own, as well as those from guests who have found ways to bring hope, healing and freedom into places where trauma has impacted them. I'm Ali, author of the art of healing trauma, and I'm here to remind you that life is sweet. Now, let's dive in and find ways to create our joy. Hi, this is Ali and find your joy. And I'm really excited because now we are having part to do in both official languages with the fabulous the wonderful the badass entrepreneur, the self love champion. Now we're going to hear a little bit about the cold water swimming. A co author and a few best selling books all about helping women reach their goals. I mean, this is one busy lady. Woman. Well, sorry. That's really funny. I just have to laugh. Okay. In a world gone mad. Anyways, hi, welcome Lorna Ketler, a bodacious Hello,

Lorna Ketler: 00:01:34

hello.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:01:35

Welcome back. Okay, I'm gonna I'm gonna leave this in here. But I'm gonna say this. I I almost never say the word lady. I'm not opposed to it. I'm not going to get angry. I won't pick at anyone's place if they do. I just have this thing where I say, woman instead. And it's I'm it was just funny. I said, Lady, and now I'm making a bigger deal of it than it needs to. But

Lorna Ketler: 00:02:04

I started I have no problem calling people women sometimes. Like it just feels almost formal. Yes, really from Lady to but I call my my people lovelies. So that kind of is. That's my word. capsulated word and doesn't offend anybody. I don't think.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:02:22

I don't think so. It's actually That's funny. That's what I usually I usually always use word lovelies. Because Because the reality is and it's not to take away from anything is it? Some words are triggers for some people and, and I'm not going around on eggshells. I just want to be respectful. That's all. So so my lovely lady woman. Lovely womanly lady. Hello. If you're still with us, if you haven't left after I just rambled all that weirdness out. Thanks for sticking around. Oh my gosh. So it's been so long since I've seen you, at least at least spend almost a minute if you include the three that I just went off and just some weird tangent and this last time, we were talking about self love, and body image. And, and well, a whole bunch of fabulous things. But during during lockdown, you started doing something that was pretty interesting. Cold water swimmer. First of all, I would ask that if you would please, for those who don't know what that means. I mean, I mean, we all kind of know what that means. Because we understand words, but maybe explain a little bit about what that means. How you got into it, and maybe what it means to you and has meant to you.

Lorna Ketler: 00:03:45

Okay, well, to start. I didn't start cold water swimming. I started swimming. I think it was three years ago, almost to the day right now. So we started swimming in the morning during COVID for something to do, friend. And then as we got nearer to the end of the summer, we started challenging ourselves. We'll see if we can make it to Labor Day. Oh, that was you know, that was easy.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:04:09

And if I may just interrupt this was the reason that that mattered was because it was in a lake you were outside swimming in a lake. Yeah.

Lorna Ketler: 00:04:15

The ocean sent us this day a similar temperature within a few degrees, but the lake does not so then, you know, as the lake was getting colder, we would continue challenging ourselves to what are the dates and going into winter, so like Halloween, and then, you know, Thanksgiving and then that was the challenge was Christmas and we just kept going. You know, we debated at some point we was talking about, oh, if we want to keep doing this, we better get some wetsuits and then I'm like Screw that. I just want to keep wearing my bikini and see how far I can go as long as I can still get in the water. I'm still gonna get in the water. So we just that continued unable to get into the Winter winter, we did end up buying boots and gloves with some neoprene, five millimeter. Definitely don't stay in the water as long. But we were still swimming every time throughout the winter, including breaking through ice in gosh. Yeah, my friend actually had a hammer and was hammering it so that we could create a path. I think I sent you a picture alley of

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:05:27

I do remember that like this little chunk, chunk, chunk? And I'm like, Oh my gosh,

Lorna Ketler: 00:05:33

yeah. So the funny thing is, you know, the responses are often I could never do that. I hate being cold. I hate being cold. It's not about that. It's not it. There's something else that happens. And there's all sorts of scientific things that happen. Yes. That make the cold worthwhile. There's, you know, there's a high that you get from being that cold and, and then warming up doing it safely. Absolutely. We're very, very careful and respectful and of our own bodies and the coldness of the lake. Yeah, so that happened.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:06:14

And so, so yeah, some of the benefits are and there's a lot of I know, that we're, you know, we're where we live, right? There's the traditional territories that we'll call income people. And, and, and there's cold water and ocean swimming has been something that they've done for centuries and decades and centuries. And what older generations, that's the word I was looking for. And there are some scientific medical benefits. So what are some of the things that you're doing to make sure that you're like, do you? Did you Google the find out? How long can I stay? In? What safe? Rowdy when you said, you're looking at what's your being respectful of your body?

Lorna Ketler: 00:06:59

Well, I mean, there, yes. And I think the water can fool you really easily. You can even you can start to be comfortable when you shouldn't. So having a buddy too, is really important. So you know, kind of checking in with each other. And, and, yeah, kind of, I think we're have we have a really good sense now of when, when it's time, we don't write by ourselves, and we're not doing anything by any certain written way. Just really trusting in our bodies. And again, that's something that I haven't done in a long time is really be in a physical experience, where it's just me and nature in my body noticing, right, we're seeing, you know, the leaves changing, noticing which birds are at the lake at certain times a year, like, there are so many things that we were seeing almost every day, and as well as how our bodies are reacting to the cold or not cold. And you know, and how long you can stay and what does it take to safely warm up? Because that's a whole other part of that experience. Right? So

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:08:06

Oh, right. Okay, so recovery time. Yeah. Yeah. When you when you arrive, I wrote this down, because, you know, you may have heard about my head, I forget. I was not looking but writing when you said it, and I just thought, oh my gosh, this is profound about so many areas in our life, about our body, and about our lives. You said, it can fool you to start to feel comfortable. When you shouldn't do that. That's, that's powerful. That's, I mean, I get that we're, you're talking about swimming, but it just made me think of, well, your whole self love championship. And, and who you are and, and you just strive so much to feel like you said walking the walk, feeling comfortable within your own body, but also to share that and empower other women that way. And when I when you said it fools you into feeling comfortable when you shouldn't I just thought of all the info says no, nothing to do with swimming. But what just came crashing in on me was just all the ways. And again, I'm going to I get it's people in general, and women specifically, who allow ourselves to at times feel comfortable when we shouldn't. Whoa, I'm gonna write that down for later. That's a it's like going into a store that I don't really feel particularly good in. But I don't know where else I'm gonna get my 1x or whatever I'm looking for. So I just make myself be okay with that. And you offer something else. It's just, I guess that statement that you made talking about that. Just reminds me of all the other things that you do to make sure that you're aware all the time about whether or not you should be comfortable with something I just felt rather profound. You're such a guru. Something else that you did that was pretty amazing. Well, there's a long list of things that you do. That's pretty amazing to me. But you did something for your 50th birthday, which is, that was

Lorna Ketler: 00:10:28

a while ago.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:10:30

That was a day or two ago now. But for your 50th birthday, tell us what you did.

Lorna Ketler: 00:10:37

Okay. And the other thing that I talk about, just so we don't forget is yes, age ism. So that Oh, on top of the other stuff, that's my new kind of thing that I include in my sharing. Yes, I'm probably 58 I'm happily 58. On my 50th year, I decided to do something different celebratory fun, every month of that year, and it led up to then walking the Camino with my hubby on my 50th birthday. So for in those months. I mean, it could be more than one time a month. But that was a challenge. It's just to kind of complete something. And so I took a jewelry making course I you know, went to movies with friends. I just did things that I you know, that had to step up a bit to do the right stuff a little bit. Get out of my comfort zone. The Camino was the biggest Of course, I mean, that was you know, we did 105 kilometers, I guess. Over five, six day period, right. Wow. Yeah, there was a lot. Some pretty big blisters to show for better. And I learned I really don't like hills. I don't care how good I am. I really just they're not you know what? No, thank you. But yes, like walking, not so much the hills. Yeah, so that was for on my 50th it was really good, fun thing to focus on. Yeah. minded over that when I was sending you my bio the other day is like, oh, okay, I'm 58. Now I'm looking at 60 thinking, Okay, I'm gonna I want to do something big for 60. But it's like, well, why can't we do that all the time? You know, just step up or step up and out a little bit.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:12:24

I like that. I'm turning in botom. What are we in? We're in August now. Right? So in a month, a month and a bit. I'm turning 64. And I'm calling it my Beatles birthday. Anyone who will listen and my friends who I went to high school with who are turning 64 Just before me I'm, I'm telling them all happy Beatles birthday. I don't know what I want to do exactly for it yet. But I know I want to have a party of some sort. And some kind of a dance party. I'm not really sure. But I want to do something for my 64th birthday. Because I remember and going into the ageism if I remember being I remember being younger, quite some time ago. 64 seemed like well, if you're even alive, like if you're even it felt like that. And it happens quick, and you get there quick. And then I found for myself, here's something I noticed is that I am a strong woman. I've been through a lot in my life, and I've thrived through it. I didn't just survive it. And I find as I age, people are starting to treat me like a puppy. Oh, that's so cute. If I'm doing something Oh, that's so cute. And I want to say Screw you. What do you mean? It's cute. It's you might like that I'm doing it. You might even say Oh, I didn't really think someone your age would want to do that. You want to please don't say to me. Oh, that's so cool. Like I'm a puppy or a baby that you're cooing at?

Lorna Ketler: 00:14:09

Yeah, I've been a part of some conversations recently. Hearing women say that. We turn invisible at a certain age. Yes, it and stuff. And I guess that's sort of true, but I'm really, really rebelling against that idea. Why? Why? We're, we're wise and we're survivors, and we're celebrators and not invisible, and I don't want to be invisible.

Unknown: 00:14:39

I don't want to be in His glory. No, no, we deserve

Lorna Ketler: 00:14:43

to be seen. There's a hashtag I've just recently discovered about, you know, this is what my age looks like, or I look my age. And I'm gonna start posting more on that with that hashtag because, again, let's show everybody what that looks like.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:15:01

Yes. Yes, this is this is, you know, you look so good for your age.

Lorna Ketler: 00:15:07

Right? What? Yeah. So, you know, I hear a lot from women. Well, you can do that. But I could never do that. Like, because,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:15:16

yes. Why would that be? I think that when you look at the things that when I see what you're doing or what the different women that I know, I think we forget that. I don't know. Like, I'm just starting to do so much. I feel like I'm just catching my stride now. I mean, are you kidding me? Since I've turned 60? What have I done? I've I've been all with a brain injury. Mine has been like, I've been like doing you know, I've written books. I've I've started a podcast, I'm taking courses. I've got a diploma in the few different methodologies and, and and mediums and, and all this. I mean, I'm I just feel like I'm finally getting who I am. Yes, I did. I don't know, maybe people are way smarter than me. Maybe they got it when they were 20. I it took me a while to catch up,

Lorna Ketler: 00:16:08

I think to when we were younger, like 65 664 65 was retirement age. Yes, that meant you were done and doing what you did for a living. I don't want to be done. I'm in my prime doing what I love to do. You know, you know, the whole idea I think as an entrepreneur anyway, of retirement is completely different than, you know, if you have a traditional more traditional nine to five job, but like pensions and stuff.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:16:37

Yes, there's, Oh, that. Oh, that.

Lorna Ketler: 00:16:41

But I mean, isn't it better or as good to love what you do and not want to be done? You know? Yes. Still create your life around that so that you don't need to retire to then have a life?

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:16:52

Yes. And and if you want to retire, that's okay, too. Just know that you're choosing whatever it is that you're choosing to do if I we have friends who are retired now. And, you know, they bought a fifth wheel in a truck, and they're traveling all over the place, and they're there. You know, every time I see pictures of them, they're hiking, or canoeing or kayaking, or riding bikes, or they're doing all this stuff. They're sitting around a fire, just talking, but it's their duty. They haven't just gone okay, well, I now's when I sit around and wait to die, right? Yeah, God forbid. Well, good. Gosh, that's so so with the ageism thing? What are some of the ways that that you've experienced it? Or have you yet? Well, I

Lorna Ketler: 00:17:41

think that's the thing I keep hearing about it. But I'm maybe I'm just not aware, I'm not, I'm not listening to those voices. Because it's not my personal experience. But I don't even know where I want to be seen. And I don't work in a traditional work environment, either. Right? I started with myself with women who love to look at beautiful things and celebrate you know, who they are and where they are. So I'm a little bit spoiled, I guess for that, that I don't have those same experiences that a lot of other people do in different environments.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:18:18

I guess part of CES probably choices. I mean, I'm not I'm not saying that somebody who's experiencing it is choosing it. I'm saying that there may be part of it is about our choices and what we're doing. Yeah.

Lorna Ketler: 00:18:34

But if you're in a corporate world that Yes, probably male dominated, often male dominated. You know, they're looking at young up and comers, like there, there are things that, you know, we're will will show you that the world is looking at you differently.

Unknown: 00:18:48

Yes. Yeah,

Lorna Ketler: 00:18:51

it's just, I'm happy and blessed that that's not my challenge right now. I mean, if I'm invisible to some people, I guess I am, but that's, those probably aren't my people in a way.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:19:03

Got Yeah, that's right. So that's, that's a really good point.

Lorna Ketler: 00:19:08

Maybe we're just really trying to make better and deeper connections with the people that we're choosing to have in our life. So then who are those people that aren't seeing us? Right? It would be different if I was applying for a job,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:19:20

or? Yes, that's a good point. Yes. If it I love that. So you're in a different position in your life, but also recognizing that maybe those aren't my people? Yeah, I like that. I like that a lot. I yeah, I don't I just It occurred to me the other day, we were somebody was talking about it about well about retiring or something and just not doing things and it hadn't really occurred to me and I thought, Oh, I, when will I stop doing things whether it's my job or my passion or whatever it is? I don't know. I don't know. I hadn't really thought about that that's what i That wasn't my answer. I hadn't really

Lorna Ketler: 00:20:02

never stopped doing things. Yeah,

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:20:04

I guess if I couldn't, I suppose if I couldn't, then I would need to find something else to do. Like after my accident, I couldn't do what I did. Right. So I needed to find other things that I really love to do. And some of that took exploring and finding out what that might be.

Lorna Ketler: 00:20:20

For that, because you did you made you made the best of the situation and chose other things to do that you found.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:20:28

Like it? I don't remember the well I do remember, I don't remember much of anything. But that's another story. But I mean, I sort of you for you forget about those things. And I think, well, we were watching David, and I've been watching old old reruns, like from the 50s 60s or whatever. And seeing people like I see women who come on these game shows or whatever, we've been watching these old, old shows, and there'll be people coming on contestants for the shows. It's not what's my liner, it's one of those shows, anyways, it's women will come on that are my age or younger. And I, when I see them, I think that they are like probably in their 80s or something like it. And I don't mean that in an unkind fashion. I mean, how they're their whole energy, how they're presenting, how they're dressed, how they're carrying themselves, how they're, you know, they're sort of have their hands together and their little, you know, that little perm that doesn't move that I was talking to my friend who's in her 30s. And we were chatting about this the other day, and I said, Yeah, I wonder what age I'll get one. Do I wait till I'm 90? I just go in and say, okay, just give me one of those little perms it never moves. I think part of it is is just women of the world has evolved. And we're evolving with it. And I don't I don't go around. I don't really think about my age. And then when I do, I'm like, Oh, I would think I would have been older. way older, more mature. Should I be smarter? Shouldn't something be different here?

Lorna Ketler: 00:22:19

That's a blessing, at least with age, because we're dealing with a lot of older people in our worlds right now. Is I think you always feel younger in your heart anyway, like you will. What is 70? Feel like? I mean, it's it's like it is wherever you will, it's what you think it is? And then it is where you really are, you know, and yeah, what I thought when I was in my 20s What 58 would feel like or look like, was not this?

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:22:46

You know, you wouldn't know right? I wouldn't know it'd be. I remember my mom said something and part of it is me is sad. But part of it is this I just get it. She said she said to me and she was in her 90s and she she looked in the mirror and she said You stupid old bitch. How did you get in my mirror? And it was funny. And she meant it as a joke. And and also it made me sad that, that maybe there was some truth in our heart to that. But But, but honestly, that's what happens. I can be out in the middle of doing something that I you know, well maybe something hurts. There's that that's there's just like my mom said, oh, did you get in my mirror like did you come from? That's why it's really good to have women to hang around with and laugh and talk about that with so that it's we get it? Yeah. Oh, yeah, that happened.

Lorna Ketler: 00:23:45

And that Yes. Which saying other women I think I mean, probably a whole other show. But, you know, women, sisters, women, Sister groups, right? That is saving us right now. You know, and my my swim experiences and you know regrouping with women having these conversations that are so meaningful. It's it's saving us all. We're so blessed. And even like you see the swim groups that are happening. It's like 90% women, it's like women gathering to do something together. That feels amazing. That's freeing. That's, you know, in nature. And I don't think we ever stopped talking, you know, solve all the world's problems. Yes, that's what we do. Right? Yes. You know, it's a nice reminder again, that once were being able to gather a little bit more in person, but not always necessarily in person, that these deep conversations are so important. So that was kind of a segue there. But

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:24:52

no, it's not. I think it's perfect. I love it because I it's been much my experience in the last for however many years now, not everyone is. Not everyone is either ready or willing to have the deep conversations or maybe not with me or with you know, there's certain people that they would. And and I find that for me if those are the only conversations I want, I mean, I'm okay in the store. If I pass someone and say, Oh, that dress looks lovely on you. I don't have to have the deepest conversation with that person. But I like connection, and any anything other than connection. How, however, harshness may sound feels like a waste of time for me, for for everyone concerned,

Lorna Ketler: 00:25:44

you're getting it, we're craving it. It's like, Yes, this is what we need. It's fuel and kind of just going back to why I do what I do in my business. What's happened just kind of organically, which is how most things happen in my world anyway, it just kind of happens. But the my customers have aged with me. Right? So when I did my business, I was selling like rockabilly dresses. And, you know, I was that was, you know, me 24 years ago. And now, you know, we're all wearing more, you know, natural fabrics, and looser fitting clothing, and, you know, just want to be comfortable, but look fun and funky. And but as that's happening, I'm meeting all of these women who are aging, and maybe losing husbands or having knee surgery or putting husbands into care or, you know, newly single or, you know, there's but there's this whole age, a wiser women experience that's happening, to be a, be a part of that and be a facilitator for that in a space that I've created. And that's super exciting for me to

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:26:54

Yes, because that is very much experience in your store. I have to say that that we

Lorna Ketler: 00:26:59

can see the magic that happens Now, not every day. But I mean, you all of a sudden, there's a circle of women, and they're celebrating each other because they know the rules in my store. So we don't do the the negatives. And they're helping each other out and giving feedback. And then we're sharing stories. And sometimes there's crying, and sometimes it's hugging and you know, and it's that and I'm like, oh my god, this is what I get to do. This is yes. Yeah, that's amazing. So that's a good reminder of that.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:27:29

Yeah. I love that. And you're right, the whole ageism thing. I think that would that could be a conversation that maybe I'll have like, there'll be four little windows in this in this call and and having I'm going to write that down. And I hope that you'll be part of that. That'll be that'll be a show for that'll be a series of shows for another day. I'm sure. It's all you know what time with you is always too short. It's it's it's always uplifting it I always feel like like a warm honey or warm oil has been poured over my heart you like a bomb, and very healing bomb. And so thanks, because I know that you have lots going on in your life and that you've stepped out of that for an hour or so and came and hung out with me. I'm really grateful for that.

Lorna Ketler: 00:28:26

Absolutely. My pleasure. Yeah. And I love what you do. And I love what you bring out and others. And the conversations are important. So thank you for that.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:28:36

Well, thanks, Lorna Keller, you are, you are a force. And so thanks so much for being here. And to our listeners. Thank you so much for joining us today. We'd love to hear your comments and questions. And I don't even know how all that works. Just so you know, I don't really know how to respond to people yet. So so you can go to alleyway rt@gmail.com Because I don't know how well I'm still learning all this techie stuff. So that's just the reality. But thanks so much for joining us. Find your joy and do know that you are loved.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:29:19

Thanks so much for joining me today. If you found a piece of your joy in this episode, I would love to hear about what came up for you so that we can continue to grow the impact of this show. Thanks again. See you soon and remember find your joy.