7 Second Sound Bite

Unknown: 00:00:00

No sleep. Let it sweep you off your feet.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:00:13

Hi, you're listening to find your joy. If you're looking for ways to thrive rather than survive in a world that can seem rather chaotic, you're in the right place, we will be sharing stories of our own, as well as those from guests who have found ways to bring hope, healing and freedom into places where trauma has impacted them. I'm Ali, author of the art of healing trauma. And I'm here to remind you that life is sweet. Now, let's dive in and find ways to create our joy. Hi, I'm Ali, and this is find your joy. I'm really happy to have a dear friend and an amazing. This is Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie and we'll talk a little bit about how we met. And all of that I just want to share with you that Margaret is builder of friendships and communities. And this is a woman who is I see Margaret as like a diving board and she catapults other people into all that she sees possible for them. Margaret, welcome.

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:01:19

Thank you so much, Ali, this is exciting. I'm thrilled to be here.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:01:22

I'm so excited to have you here. So I'm going to a little bit I met Margaret, for anyone who knows or doesn't know, now you will know is I suppose I don't know, a year or two into recovery from my brain injury, and a mutual friend, contact our friend Karen contacted me and said Hey, to do you know, they're looking for someone to write a song about military family life? Would you do that? And I thought, okay, I could try. And at that time, I didn't even think I could. But it took me about 15 minutes to write the song. I started to just play it in my mind. What does it look like? What does military family life look like? sent it off. You invited me to be part of the international Kayleigh that you did, which was so much fun. And I met so many beautiful people through that. And the rest is history as we know it. So that is one of the many things that you do. So I am going to turn this over to you and say my friend, let's chat about you and building communities and choosing joy and all the things that make you remarkably you. Well, before we

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:02:32

get into that, that's a great story about how we met. It's so accurate. And the thing that people might not know is that it was interactive online. Kayleigh way before Kate COVID, right? Yes, we for well admit. And when we first started to when I first brought up the idea to have this Kayleigh so we can bring people together with reference to Canadian defense community. They said What do you mean? How can we do it online? It's not possible to get us now. Yes, it's

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:03:04

all anybody just. I know when I tried to explain it to people when it was happening. They were like what you're like, I don't know. I'm just following her. She seems to know what she's doing.

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:03:18

Yeah, that was a fabulous, fabulous session where we had, I think, six different presenters. And they were, they were sharing how music helped them with PTSD. And how music helped them get over music and art, help them get over different trials and tribulations they had in their life. And it was came together so beautifully was lots of fun. I was so glad you were part of it.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:03:42

Oh, I was so honored and thrilled to be and I was of course, in those days, it was really early on. So I didn't I didn't really know if I'd be able to function. But you were so kind. I don't remember much. But you know, I remember how I feel about things right. And I just recall, when I would have my stop moments, which I still have, but not so much. You just I just remember how really nicely you covered me that you you had you had my back, you covered me and you made it all so easy. Now there was people on that one. There was people you were in Germany, you were living in Germany at the time, right? And I know that there was an I'm in Victoria and there was someone I want to say Colorado or something like there was so it was multinational. It was International. There was people from all over the world. And like you said we weren't doing that. That.

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:04:32

That's right if it was something new. Yeah, that was wonderful. It's so interesting when you say, you know, my mom had had Alzheimer's before she died. So she her brain was was leaving and I always said to her when she was of sound mind I said your mind is going to be going but try to remember how love makes you feel. You may not remember words you may not remember what happened. Have what you ate for lunch, but try to remember that feeling of love and being taken care of.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:05:05

Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. And yeah, that's so

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:05:09

important in life for anybody dealing with these kinds of things.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:05:13

It is my mum had dementia is my mom had vascular dementia. And I remember, I remember very many things. And I remember my mom telling me, I just can't remember it was getting scary at that point, because she still had enough memory, that losing it was scary. Now, when, sadly or a blessing that when a person if they reached the point that they don't remember much. They're not as frightened often anymore. And I just remember my mom saying that I don't remember anything. And I just said it's okay, Mom, I'll remember for you. I remember enough for both of us. So, yeah. Wow. So I am I have to add, no, you had said something that I have never heard of before. Now, I can i May I name it? Is that all right? Is it a big surprise? You're gonna love it. I don't want to do that. Tell me tell me tell me, I must say is a seven second sound bite.

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:06:17

So you know what? Okay, first off, I have to say I don't have any acronyms after my name. I don't have any big titles. And so this is something that we call it in our family. And it may have a different, totally different connotation when you look it up online, I don't know. But in our house, a seven second sound bite is when you've taken the time to notice. So you're not on your phone, you're just noticing the world around you. And all of a sudden you see somebody that you want to build a connection with. Have a seven second conversation, a hello, a smile. Wow, your eyes are gorgeous today. These kinds of things where if you really notice the person on the other end of that seven second soundbite just blossoms. And it's beautiful to see it's one of my favorite things about life. And we call them seven second sound bites, because it doesn't take long. You have to be noticing. But it brings so much joy and confidence in people. One time I was outside in my garden and give time for the story.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:07:30

That's what we're here for we are your stories. Oh my gosh, I have I am I the internet is on hold today for Margaret. This is what we want. We want these stories. Thank you. Thank you for sharing it.

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:07:44

I was in my garden. And I see this woman walking by my house. And she has two big heavy bags and her head is way over. And she's tired. You can tell she's tired. She's had a really long day with these two big heavy bags and she's treading along with these bags. And I thought to myself, hmm, and then a light bulb showed. And I thought I'm going in the garage because I have one of those rolling market bags. Oh my gosh. So I run into the garage like a crazy woman. I tried to get it off the hook. It was quite a pie. So I had to get a stool. I got it off the hook. And by that time she was all the way down the block. So I grabbed this rolly market bag, and I start running and I lose a shoe and then I lose a second shoe and I'm running barefoot to go catch her. And I knock her on the back of her. I just tapped her on the back of her shoulder and I say excuse me. And she looks at me as if I have three heads. And she says yes no feet no shoes, don't forget and market bag. And I said this is a gift for you. The she says ready I mean and I should know this is a gift for you. I see that your bags are heavy look, you can put your bags inside of it and I showed her how to use it. And then you can roll it it will make your life easier. And she said where do you live so I can give it back? I said no, it's a gift. It's yours. Enjoy. She started to cry. Oh, she started to cry because she was bringing groceries to her friend who was father just died. And to have that seven second sound bite, I'm gonna cry. That's beautiful. I you know she was just so touched. And the very next day she found out where I live because she saw me gardening. And she brought me a beautiful beaded necklace that she had made. She said you have no idea how much you change my life. I didn't think anybody was watching. I didn't think anybody was caring. So noticing is so important.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:09:58

I love that and that I see that when I'm talking about you are, in my eyes, you are a diving board that springs people in small that they could be without any shoes or any shoes on because that's just, that's who you are. And, and, and it's, it's, it's interesting when we sometimes start by, you know, I don't have what it was that I don't have the letters after my name or something and it just it's so doesn't matter because like you said, if we can just look up from our phones just for a minute and look at the beauty that is around us. And imagine how much first of all, how physically you changed her life that day, she was probably in pain, carrying those heavy bags, and then emotionally in her spirit, how that must have touched her spirit that you came and you you noticed seven second soundbite I love that we we have a similar thing that we do where we try to as much as possible do secret blessings. But it's it's all in the it's in the same family, right? Just Just notice. And notice that people are be joyful with them when they're joyful, and walk with them and stand with them when they're not. And offer the basket oil. Just love you. See you as many stories like that as you have I could sit here and just listen all day. Because because that's where we need to be right we there is no end to the stories that are heart. Yes. And when we can just taste and see that it is good. If we can just see for a moment that there are still people who run barefoot like to bring someone a basket on wheels. Oh, thank you for being so beautifully you.

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:11:57

Okay, so one of the other things that I think about when I saw your podcast and joy is listening. So active listening. So again, so you're watching, and you're actively listening. And the example I wanted to share about this Ally was was I was in the grocery store and somebody was yelling at the clerk who was putting the groceries through Oh, you this should be it right? Bah, bah, I don't know what was yelling about. And then there was another person after who was just like, you know, in their phone, doing their thing going through. And the whole time I was watching the face of the cashier. And with each time somebody was yelling at them, they were kind of getting more and more smaller. So I came up to her. And I said, Life is hard, isn't it? And she said yes. And then I said she was quite young. I said, so it's summertime, what are you going to be doing for the summer. And she beamed because she'd been saving for two years, her and her brothers were going to Europe. And she was so excited to share this. But she forgotten about all the nonsense and the noise that was the customers beforehand. And she just lit up and shared her story of you know how she was saving money and working extra hours and trying to to for this big trip that she was getting getting to do with her older brothers.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:13:29

Yes. Oh, you know, so that is so beautiful.

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:13:33

That's when you take the time to listen to their story and ask them the questions.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:13:39

Yeah, that's wonderful. And I think because of how I know you, you are a person. Well, we're sisters from other misters I love connection. I love community. And I and it's it only you know it comes one coffee at a time it comes with you know, one teardrop at a time it comes one helping somebody move at a time it just it just comes by making ourselves like you're saying like listening head up from the phone and just paying attention. Because they're like you said there's people going on I love that Stokes. Thank you so much for sharing that that's it's so beautiful and and it's true that people our society doesn't lend itself to that anymore.

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:14:35

Yes, and it's such a shame because we need people we need that touch. We need that communication. I really believe we when you when you're building community, so I don't know if you mentioned at the beginning, I'm a Canadian Armed Forces spouse with about 34 years of experience 14 postings and over 200 weeks of family separations. Wow. So I get it. And one thing that I found with each of our 14 posts things is that you can be miserable anywhere. So it's really a choice to find joy in each of the different places that you're at. Right. And so I don't know if you can see behind me, there's this beautiful quilt.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:15:17

It's gorgeous. So our very

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:15:19

first posting. And that's going to be the picture, I think that we're going to put on the on the site with me. But the very first posting was in Trenton, Ontario, we were there for five years, it was fabulous. But it's the kind of posting where I didn't know what I was getting myself into. So I brought muffins to my neighbor to say, hi, welcome me to the neighbor. Because who else is gonna do it? Right? This is long before social media. So I would bring stuff to the neighbors and just make build a connection that way. And we had, I organize like community barbecues where we had the fire truck come to our backyard. And there was karaoke, and we had all kinds of games, and really getting all the families in those P and Q patch together to celebrate community. And after, after those times. If there was ever an illness, I had broken my neck at the point during that year. And I had so many people come in bringing meals in and support and look after my kids. So if I needed any help, but that was because we built the community. So in order to be resourceful, you have to build that community, you have to start by bringing muffins to your neighbor, when you're when your moving truck comes, you know, yes, yeah, hello, and then build that from there. And then you'll always have a community. And that is so important. So back to the quilt. Yeah, when we left Trenton there were 25 families that decided to each make a quilt piece of a quilt. And my girlfriend who was also one of those groups. Her name was Jillian and she was the quilter. And she said she would like me anyways, even if I wasn't a quilter. So she coordinated this beautiful quilt and every family did what was to their heart. There was some from church, there was some from Book Club, there was some from mess life, there was some from the community. And each each picture is something different. That means something special. What's also very cool about this community quilt is that on the back of it are handprints of children, and dog prints and all the signatures of the whole community. I don't know if you can see that. I can. And so, so this is if if we're ever in a fire, this is what we're taking with us. Right? Yeah, the one thing we're going to take because it's it's all about joy. It's all about community. It's all about building resilience. Yeah, right. We need we need to these people.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:18:16

It's so beautiful. I love it. And I love what you do. When you I mean for I could go on forever about quilts. So quilts. I love that I love that these people did something with their hands. And they made something. I mean, there's nothing for me anyways, nothing matters to me more than something that someone made a whether it's a quilt, a poem, a muffin, it's something that someone put their time into. And they and they did that. So those those things are treasured gifts. A quilt is lovely. Because it's a covering. And that's what came to mind to me when they left you were when you were posted away, they covered you and I and that's how I see that when I see a quilt, it's that someone has chosen to cover me and those 25 families sent you off with a covering and I just love that I was going to say to for anyone who's listening, you had mentioned a pm Q patch and so for those who might not know what that is, that's p m Q stands for personal or private married quarters. And so that's when you see a bunch of military houses together. That's a pm Q batch now you know,

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:19:31

you now you know, the other thing that I want to share about building community ally is as I said, we can be miserable anywhere we choose joy. Yes. So changing your perspective is so important. You know and this is something I learned after years and years and years of counseling and and working with a wonderful coach. Her name is anvil tour. And she would say to me, what if up what if what up what if up? What if up? So she would you know I would say oh what if the interview that flooded What if I say the wrong thing What if all these negative things would come up and she said let's try something Do you love her? She was really good I said she said let's try what if up? I said what is that? She says What if when you get UAC interview what if when you meet the people you actually teach them something and they're so impressed they want to hire you right on the spot what if up

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:20:36

so so that's beautiful that's such

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:20:39

a great so I try to remember that when I'm when I'm down in the dumps and I'm saying oh my gosh, you know what if what if somebody hates me or what if this or what a fat because I do have anxiety and that's that's all part of it you know you you get in your head but then I remember whatever tour tells me as a coach and she said you know what, if up and it's so true. We're so hard on ourselves, why not What if up more, I think more would bring more joy.

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:21:06

Oh What if up I love that. This is an excellent place I'm looking at our time. If with your permission. I think this is an excellent spot to what if up and we will need definitely a part two if that's all right with you if you have a space and time for that.

Margaret Mulcair Mackenzie: 00:21:25

I absolutely have space and time for you anytime. Thank

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:21:28

you. Oh my gosh. Oh, this is very exciting. All right, well for now then. I'm going to say Tune in next week as well because the fabulous Margaret Mulcair and Mackenzie is going to be back for a part two because there is so much i You are joy you really are and and thank you so much for being here. So this is Ali, find your joy. Thank you so much for being a part of this today. And remember to find your joy and do know that you are loved

Ali Perry-Davies: 00:22:06

thanks so much for joining me today. If you found a piece of your joy in this episode, I would love to hear about what came up for you so that we can continue to grow the impact of this show. Thanks again. See you soon and remember find your joy